What Happened To An Atheist on Alpha -
Roy's Story

I went on the Alpha course because the times I have been to church I came away feeling better than when I arrived. But I was`nt looking for anything. I am happily married with two lovely children and my life is full. After nine weeks of fierce debate my mind was opened a little more but I still had serious doubts whether there really is a god.

As part of the Alpha Course an away day was arranged. The meeting started by singing two songs. This took me by suprise as I have never sung religious songs in someone's lounge before! Despite only the small number of people there, it went well and did not fall flat.

The talk was about the holy spirit and then we went into our usual discussion groups. I continued my theme of awkward questions, verging on the aggressive. Each question was discussed and I was always treated kindly by each member of the group. I thank them for that as I really was the world biggest sceptic.

During the last session, I was finding as a non-believer this was becoming a chore.

Something that was quoted from St.Augustine stuck in my mind though. It went something like "I believe so that I will understand. Not, I understand so that I will believe."

I had always taken the approach that I wanted every little doubt in my mind settled before I would commit to God.

Toward the end of the talk, we prayed and invite the Holy Spirit. If we wanted to receive then we should pray with him.

By then it all became very real and I was no longer an outsider. Now I really had to participate, or turn my back on these people that I had grown to like very much.

After a while my heart was beating fiercely and I felt I had to sit down.

I kept my eyes closed though, and for some strange reason I saw myself at the feet of Jesus crying, because he had given me a chance and I had turned my back on him.

Something did come into me and opened my heart. It reached deeper than I could imagine, it made me cry and it reached emotions I didn't even know were there.

Shortly after I prayed to Jesus and I said how sorry I was for turning my back on him before

There was a lot of emotion in the room from all of us.

I am a very calm content person, but this was a different sensation. It was extra ordinary.

Until a few minutes before that experience I would have boasted that I did not believe, in fact in a way I did not want to. It was not just because of the sensation, it was unquestionably the Holy Spirit coming into me and dispelling my doubts and fears.

I realise this is the first step on a journey of discovery. There are still many questions, but they do not seem so urgent.

I feel happy to say that I believe in God and hope I prove to be a worthy follower of Jesus.